Not too long ago, I wrote about God hitting upside the head with His 2x4. There is more to that than I previously wrote about.
Let's go back a little ways. I have held several jobs and in reality I have never had to really work to get them. They have always "fell" into my lap. My job as a caseworker lasted until I had my third child. I quit to stay home with my kids. I worked for 5 years at this job and it was always an endurance for me to get up and go. I learned a lot from that job. How to be OCD about files and paperwork, how to take "he said, she said" notes, and how to deal with crazy people. All of this helped later in life.
My job as a teacher started when a dear friend of mine called out of the blue one day and told me that God had told her I was to come and teach. I had no intention of teaching but at the time she called, God was also dealing with me and I felt that maybe I was ready to try. I went in with no prior knowledge, no experience, and no idea what I was in for. I knew I was a one year hire so I was okay with that. What I didn't expect was that I would enjoy it so much and how easy it came for me. This same friend worked her tail off to find me a program in which I could get certified within a year and become a full blown teacher. I went into the program and loved it. Those first few years, I went at my job with all the passion and love that I didn't know existed. I would get up and go to work without really thinking that I was working. It was fun. I loved watching the kids get a concept or learn how to do something. I worked with some great people that patiently helped me with some things I didn't know how to do. It was great.
Then I hit a rough patch and what I call my "seven years of wandering the desert" happened. I realized that not everyone will like me and that not everyone is there to be a friend. I learned that people can be vicious and that politics play more of a part of all of this than you realize. I took a stand and I see now that that was when things started going weird. I was assigned subjects that I have never taught and am not strong in. I tried to tell myself that I was being stretched and it was going to be a good thing but then another twist was added and I realized that this was just a way to get me out of the way. I tried to meet the challenge but failed. I was reassigned. I did the job I was given but teaching was no longer fun. I had lost my passion. I still worked hard for the kids but my heart wasn't in it anymore.
When I was assigned a special unit, I knew that I was no longer being seen as a teacher but as someone they needed to hide away until they could figure out what to do with me. They did. They told me that due to budget problems, I was no longer needed. After 13 years, I had to leave the place I was secure and had learned everything. I was being thrown out with no other explanations. I knew that I could throw a fit and scream and shout and cuss but it wouldn't make any difference. So I held my tongue. I was angry, hurt, scared, and terrified. I had kids in college, bills to pay, a husband who depended on me having a job. I let the fear consume me.
That summer, I was like someone I had never seen. I cried constantly, I called, emailed, texted school after school after school. I went to interviews. No one would even call me back. Finally, mid-July I got the call to come and interview at my current school. I went. I interviewed. I left thinking they hated me only to have them call me 2 hours later and offer me the job. I was elated! I thought that this was it!
Once in this job, God started showing me some things. I had become complacent in my teaching and my work. I had become sloppy. I was disorganized. I was not doing my best and hadn't been for a while. He shook my foundation heavily. I also learned that not everyone likes me and that is okay. The biggest lesson I had to learn was how to be silent. I work with a person who dislikes me to the point of hating me. I hate confrontation but on 2 occasions I had to involve my principal. It was when nothing was done that I realized that I had to learn to be silent. I am a talker and a fixer and to be silent for 2-3 hours at a time was hard to learn. But I did learn it.
I was then told I needed to leave. Even after all the dust settled and I asked what the real reason for my leaving was, I was told I was always a one year hire. I was only to be here for a year and nothing more. I was shocked. Then I realized that God needed me to be hired here so that He could show me some things. He needed to bring me to a place that He could shape me into more of the person He wanted me to be.
He started placing words in my heart. He showed me the book He wanted me to write. He stripped me down to the bare bones and showed me what I needed to do. It wasn't all at once but in pieces. As each piece was revealed and worked on, I saw myself changing.
When I accepted my new job for next year, I was happy but then as time has gone on, I have begun to realize that my passion is returning and that I am excited about next year. I am wanting to go, set up my room, meet my new assistants, and start working with my new kids. I am ready to get going. I haven't felt like this in many years. I realized that that throughout this year that God has restored my passion for teaching. My "wandering the desert" years are over for now and I am moving into a new place with my walk with God and in my profession. It is such a blessing and such a relief.
Be blessed. I am always praying.
No comments:
Post a Comment