I am struggling right now. I admit it. I am fighting to stay positive and remember that God is in charge. Satan is throwing everything he can at me and I am trying my hardest to stand against what he is doing. I am going to share what is going on because I know there are those people out there that go through similar struggles and maybe this will encourage them and selfishly, myself.
It seems like this time of year is when our finances get hit hard. We are fine most of the year, pay our bills on time, and still have some money in the bank. But for some reason, this time of year, our money disappears and things go crazy financially. We are not poor, we have a budget but our finances take a direct hit. I can't explain it. I just have to stand on faith that God is there and that we will be okay. It may take a while to recover but we will be okay. My husband takes the brunt of the worrying about the budget. Unfortunately, when he worries, he shuts down. I know he has to process things and that he has to pray about what to do but as his wife, it is hard to sit back and wait for him to decide to share the plan with me. God has taught me recently, to wait and not push him. It can be stressful but eventually he does share the plan with me. I just wish I could help him during this process but I can't.
My youngest is struggling with classes, graduation, realizing that he is about to have to make some life decisions, and honestly, he is scared but won't admit it out loud. He wants to be treated like an adult (he is 17) but in a lot of ways he is still a little boy at heart. I wish I could help him and fix all his problems but I can't.
My middle son is dealing with life issues and is finding out that being an adult is harder than he thought. He is in college and so he is still learning but he is also my worrier. I wish I could stop him from worrying or fix the problems he encounters with classes but I can't.
My oldest is facing life in the grown-up world. He has a full time job that keeps him running, he is managing to hang on to a wonderful girl even though they are having to do a long distance relationship thing, and he has taken responsibility for his finances. I wish I could make the life lessons a little easier but I can't.
Today, I seem to be apologizing for everything to everyone. I keep trying to get things right but every time I turn around I have another mistake that I have to correct. I found myself saying "I wish I could go back and do this over but I can't." more times than I cared to.
I wish I could do a lot of things right now but I can't. It is all out of my control. I am not in charge. I have to rely upon God and keep praying. I am a fixer at heart and I want to fix all the problems my family and kids encounter. I have learned that when I try to do that, I end up making a bigger mess. So all I have is relying upon God and for me that is enough because I know that He can fix it all. It is in His timing, not ours. That is a whole other lesson I need to learn. So I pray a lot and I talk to God a lot and I know that my faith is in Him and He is in charge. It makes things easier to deal with.
Be blessed. I am always praying.
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